Thriving as a working mother: How to redefine success and silence guilt

If India wants to become a $5 trillion economy, women's participation in economic activity outside the home is crucial. Here's how the mothers themselves and leaders can set them up for success

Published: Oct 8, 2024 12:16:07 PM IST
Updated: Oct 9, 2024 01:27:16 PM IST

Serena Williams of the USA holds her daughter Alexis Olympia with the trophy following the Women's Final between Serena Williams and Jessica Pegula of the USA on day seven of the 2020 Women's ASB Classic at ASB Tennis Centre on January 12, 2020 in Auckland, New Zealand. 
Image: Phil Walter/Getty Images  Serena Williams of the USA holds her daughter Alexis Olympia with the trophy following the Women's Final between Serena Williams and Jessica Pegula of the USA on day seven of the 2020 Women's ASB Classic at ASB Tennis Centre on January 12, 2020 in Auckland, New Zealand. Image: Phil Walter/Getty Images

Sheryl Sandberg, former COO of Meta, voiced, "Being a mother is the most rewarding — and hardest — job many of us will ever have… (and) for most moms, it's only one of many jobs we have." Globally, companies have witnessed a paradigmatic shift in their functioning, making balancing professional goals and parental duties more challenging for women. Deloitte's 2024 report on Women @ Work 2024 – A Global Outlook revealed that women are still the primary caregivers for their children, and affordable childcare is one of the key determinants in their career decisions. Globally, 2 out of 10 women struggle to find affordable childcare, forcing them to leave the workforce.

A working mother's balancing act often results in layered complexities marred with emotions like guilt. This guilt is often fueled by the unrealistic societal benchmarks ascribed to them and the constant pressure to be perfect in both roles, causing deterioration in their career progress and well-being. At the workplace, this may negatively impact their productivity and increase stress levels. On a personal level, this constant battle between work and family choices results in feelings of inadequacy and burnout. Moreover, India is eyeing to become a $5 trillion economy, and to achieve this, women's participation in economic activity outside the home is crucial. For this to happen, business leaders need to address the issue of working mothers' guilt to retain them in the workforce. One of the ways is redefining what success means to a working mother, which can be key to addressing this impasse and providing a more balanced view.

Strategies to Support Working Mothers

1. Redefine Success: Traditional success is often defined by an individual's growth trajectory on the corporate ladder. However, when we talk about working mothers, there is a need to incorporate experiences of motherhood. For a working mother who is double-hatting at home and the workplace, success can also include creating a safe and thriving ecosystem at home, being present to address her children's needs, or maintaining her mental health. There is a need to broaden our perspective to look at success from a more holistic view, recognising that personal milestones are as important as professional ones. This changed lens of viewing what defines success may further reduce the level of stress working mothers experience due to unrealistic benchmarks.

2. You Can't Have It All: As a working mother, combining motherhood with a career will result in trade-offs. A classic example of this guilt is being forced to choose between attending an official meeting or a child's school event. Making peace with the fact that you won't be available every single time your child needs you and that you won't always be there for critical professional opportunities is crucial. Remember Serena Williams' tweet from Wimbledon: "She took her first steps... I was training and missed it. I cried," symbolising that you can't have it all.

Also read: Working moms are mostly thriving again. Can we finally achieve gender parity?

3. Build and Widen Your Tribe: It takes a village to raise a child, and you can't do it alone. As a working mother, build and forge relationships inside and outside the workplace with people who will be your sponsors. These sponsors will support you during adversities and help you navigate challenges.

4. Prune Negativity: The desire to be a "perfect" mother, stemming from unrealistic societal expectations, fuels guilt. Significant others may often nitpick and slander you, labelling you as a "lazy mother." Take a stand for yourself and cut these negative influences out of your mental space.

The journey of motherhood is laced with challenges but also holds lifelong, fulfilling rewards. Leadership must proactively address guilt as an undercurrent that derails a mother's performance at the workplace and affects her well-being. It is imperative to understand that working mothers can successfully channel their personal and professional lives if they are provided with a nurturing ecosystem.

Dr. Vibhav Singh, Associate Professor, Human Resource Management, Great Lakes, Gurgaon. 

X